Let’s see if 10 hours of animal documentaries will cure or kill me, she vaguely muttered, flopping back on the couch with duvet, hot lemon juice and Strepsils. I joined her a few hours into it, in time to discover the rock-climbing goby, a fish which I (or you, I bet) had never heard of.

This thumb-size goby swims upriver from the sea (nothing new so far) until the foot of a waterfall. Then, amazingly, as if auditioning for a far-fetched Jackie Chan film (sorry, is that a redundant statement?), hurls itself out of the water and, almost comically, attaches itself to the vertical rock face. Using its “pelvic fin” that works like a mini suction cup and its powerful lips, it proceeds to inch, ever so slowly, upwards, while the violent waterfall pounds down all around it, with Mother Nature’s fullest force.

It literally climbs… for several hundred feet.

I cannot tell you how painstaking this looks. Richard Attenborough’s pithy comments and the dramatic music make it all the more compelling. Many gobies don’t make it: they simply fly off and die. Others pause in whatever crevices they can find to rest. Your heart goes out to the little guys.

Eventually, some make it to the top where warm, shallow pools await. This is fish kingdom spa central—warm, nutrition-filled, pressure-free, peaceful. “Here the goby will feed and breed and eventually die,” emotes Attenborough, “while newly spawned fish will wash out to sea, so that the cycle may begin again.”

The poignancy of it all is the sobering parallel with us humans. I mean, truly: how many people do you know who approach their entire life this way: struggle, determination, stubbornness with only one objective in mind: to reach that nirvana, that someday place, no matter what.

And what, what is that warm, blessed pool? The day you can’t swim any more? Retirement? The day you have more than enough money? The day you buy a country house? And how hard will you work to climb that waterfall? Until Nature knocks you off?

All around me, I still see people doggedly going for it—zero fulfillment, zero joy, and less than zero awareness that they’re even fighting a waterfall upwards. It makes me want to (and sometimes, especially with  clients, I really do) grab them by the shoulders and shout: “Why are you swimming so hard upstream? Where are you going? And do you even remember why?”

Life is already so riddled with challenges, tough decisions, adversity (aka “opportunities” or “learnings” in coaching jargon) and there is always plenty to fight for and against. Do you really want a lifetime of convincing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy doing but… keep doing it anyways?

Luckily, you can think more independently than a goby, and you don’t actually have to climb waterfalls.

In life too.

Early this morning, the stunning, perfectly fit men, sporting chic sunglasses, photogenic miniature dogs (typically crossbreeds between Yorkshires, Poodles, Bichons and other adorable throw pillows) and 2-seater vintage cars—Alfa spiders, MG’s, early 70’s Karmann Ghia’s—were out on 2-Mile Hollow beach. Most were lovingly toweling the sand off their Yorkoodles, or engaging in impromptu banter with other gorgeous men. This New Yorker cartoon-worthy scene on one of my favorite beaches always makes me gleeful. Don’t ask me why, maybe because it’s an apt reminder that we should all just play more in life.

Accustomed to being one of the rare women on the scene, I politely hello’d my way by, trotting towards the waterline to run on the edge of the beach.

There is a specific band of sand at the water’s edge that’s ideal for running—not too mushy and just firm enough. The jogger’s challenge is staying on this strip while avoiding the waves lapping at one’s shoes. It is a constant dance, away from the water towards the softer sand, which is at a slight incline, and back again. With today’s erratic waves, I negotiated an elegant zigzag, requiring dozens of nimble, real-time, ad-hoc adjustments.

Just as in life.

In such moments, no one can advise you. You alone must gauge where the edge of the wave will rise, how quickly to sprint sideways, or whether you can accelerate forward in time to miss the wave’s reach.

It occurred to me that we need to exercise this subtle combination of flash-prediction, intuition and dexterity, in so many domains (and in real time!): office politics, relationships, investments, even child-rearing challenges. What’s too much, too little, too fast, too slow, too soon or too late?

There are times, like today, when glancing at a seagull halved my concentration and I was suddenly, jarringly, ankle deep in cold water. I let out something of a damsel-in-distress yelp, which hopefully only the seagull heard, and bounced onto higher, drier ground. There was now water trapped in my socks, squishy and annoying and… I carried on. Definitely not so comfortable running with seawater in my shoes but, ultimately, manageable. I knew the water would evaporate as soon as I’d put the shoes in the sun, and they’d be dry by tomorrow, no biggie.

Life is full of split-second decisions. Instances where you just need to think without thinking, as Malcolm Gladwell puts it. Sometimes you make a decision that hits the nail on the head, sometimes you miss the mark. Welcome to the human race. In moments when you “take your eye off the ball,” there’s obviously a chance something could happen, and yes, something you cannot control and…So what? Who said you can’t run with wet socks?

Only you can make your decisions, call those shots, cauz’ no one will ever know better than you whether they are right or wrong. What matters is: you’ll know whether they are the right ones for you.

So how do you get past it?

Time to share a trick I learned from my wise friend Judy.

The first time I saw her do this was when she co-led a group of 22 people, in the context of a very unique leadership training. The formal trainers had, as they often did during this 4-week-training program, surrendered their “leader chairs” to us (the participants) and we had to work with that, lead in rotation and basically draw on our own leadership/facilitation skills, common sense, intuition and initiative.

At a particularly messy moment (that’s code for: the group has lost the plot, there is no clear sense of where the group exercise is headed, something might happen or things may careen and everyone will lose motivation and disengage completely), as Judy was tossed an idea of how we might proceed as a group, she suddenly put one hand over her eyes, elegantly raised the other for a little silence, and simply said “hold on a sec’ please, I’m just checking in with myself.”

Little did she know then, that these words would go down in our group’s lore forever.

We all waited for 5 pregnant seconds and then she smiled (beamed, in fact), stood up, and led us into an impromptu exercise that totally shifted the mood and restored everyone’s enthusiasm, instantaneously. Magic, really.

What she did, specifically, is irrelevant now.

What’s important is that Judy knew (as in: had a deep sense of self-trust) she had an answer, and certainly the resources to handle anything, even if she didn’t know WHAT it was exactly she was looking for. By “checking in with herself” Judy consulted her intuition, listened to her gut feel, and took a momentary break from her mind’s gotta-solve-this-problem-stranglehold. I should mention that Judy is a brilliant, highly cerebral thinker. At the same time, she is also incredibly wise and knows how to create a solution in the moment, as warranted. And now, she also knows that, in many situations, she can’t rely exclusively on her mind to do that.

You with me so far?

Good. Because this is the point of this post: when you find yourself in such a bind—sensing an almost physical pressure to choose, decide or make something happen now—do what Judy did: check in with yourself.

Here are tricks that work (for Judy, for me, for friends I’ve consulted with):

Hit an imaginary, mental pause button and make time stand still for a few seconds.

Close your eyes, or look at the sky, tune out any noise, distraction, other people. Now ask yourself one of these questions:

“What’s important here? What really matters?”

“What’s the most natural thing to do here?”

“If I wasn’t worried, what would I do, right now?”

Try also:

“Am I ok with this?”

“What’s my intent here?”

“What’s in it for me if I choose x?”

“How does this choice sit with me, here, in my belly.”

I am utterly convinced that all of us have the answers to practically everything that life throws at us; it’s just a matter of accessing them. Most often, this involves bypassing the supreme force exerted by our brain, dodging the mental dictates in order to consult the other sources of wisdom we carry inside us. And the cool thing is: those sources are always available, in every moment. If we simply remember to check in.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. She can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

One of my most energetic, can-do clients elected to spend our entire coaching session today on how challenged she is to say no. To all sorts of stuff. We examined the toll this exacted on her time, her energy, her wits, her relationships, her life. Sobering stuff. She now sees how saying yes when she really means no (as in: the heart and gut are yelling NO) has the potential to keep her from focusing on what’s most important to her. Not to mention exhaust her body and mind.

It’s a biological truth: saying yes to absolutely everything will send your stress levels soaring. So learn to differentiate between what you really want to say yes to, and what you’re saying yes to when what you really mean….is no.

Fact: To truly say yes to the things we want, we need to say no to others. This includes people. In your personal or professional life, be aware of your needs and your limits and refuse–serenely and politely–to take on extra responsibilities even though you know you could do then. Taking on more than you can handle will, guaranteed, create internal resentment for having said yes when you meant no. Not only will you kick yourself all the way home, you will also be broadcasting put-upon-vibes, giving people around you (colleagues, friends, family) the feeling the world owes you. Unattractive, unhelpful, utterly unnecessary.

• Does it really need to be done?
• Can I delegate it? If yes, choose someone now.
• Can I reschedule it into the future? If yes, fix that day/time now.

Or maybe it’s time to…just DO IT!

On a deeper level, as you contemplate what it is you are putting off, ask yourself: what am I afraid of?

There’s often an underlying fear for why we avoid tackling certain things. Nine times out of ten, you’ll discover that once you’ve named these fears–exposed them, as it were– these fears are actually unfounded. Just like excess baggage you’d been schlepping around and which you hadn’t realised you could just…put down. You’ll be surprised at how simple and effortless many things will suddenly feel to you, as a result.